Parentification and Signs of Alienation

Parentification is a form of Parental Alienation. It is a dynamic in which the roles of parent and child become reversed, to a degree, resulting in the child taking on responsibilities and roles that are typically associated with parental figures. This can occur in both emotional and instrumental (practical) forms. Emotional parentification involves the child taking on the emotional support role of the parent, whereas instrumental parentification involves the child taking on practical duties such as caring for siblings, performing household chores, or managing finances. This coincides with parental alienation and are likely symptoms of other mental issues of the offending parent

Relationship Dynamics in Parentification

In a relationship affected by parentification, the boundary between the roles of parent and child is blurred or inverted. Children may feel a sense of pride and maturity in being trusted with adult responsibilities or being their parent’s confidante. However, this dynamic can severely disrupt the child’s development and affect their emotional well-being. The parent, on the other hand, might rely on the child for support they cannot find elsewhere, often due to their own unresolved issues, stress, illness, or substance abuse problems. This Dysfunctional reversal relation coincides with heaving family law litigation. The parent takes this tactic to vilify the other parent and place the children in the middle to defend the parenting parent. The following issues arise in the family Courts due to the alienating behavior: 

Issues Arising from Parentification

1. Loss of Childhood: Children who are parentified often miss out on essential aspects of their childhood. They may have limited opportunities to play, explore, and engage in age-appropriate activities with peers, leading to a sense of lost childhood. Unfortunately, the parentification can begin at a younger age but typically will begin around the ages of nine to eighteen when the child can begin taking responsibilities. Many children will lose out on their high school or developmental years due to having the burden of caring for their parent or allegedly protecting their parent due to litigation.
2. Emotional and Psychological Impact: The burden of adult responsibilities can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues in children. They might struggle with self-esteem issues, feeling valued only for what they can provide rather than who they are. These impact are seen in future relationships with the children which continue the pattern of divorce and even through subsequent counseling, the children’s emotional state will never fully heal.
3. Difficulty with Boundaries: Children who grow up in parentified roles may have trouble setting and respecting boundaries in their future relationships. They might become overly responsible caretakers or, conversely, may struggle to take responsibility for their actions.
4. Relationship Challenges: The reversal of roles can complicate the parent-child relationship, sometimes breeding resentment or anger in the child. It can also affect the child’s future relationships, as they may either avoid caregiving roles or enter into relationships where they are again in a caregiving position, continuing the cycle.
5. Educational and Social Impact: The demands of parentification can distract from schooling and extracurricular activities, affecting academic performance and social development. It might also lead to social isolation, as peers may not understand the child’s responsibilities or the child may feel different from their peers.
6. Impaired Emotional Development: Children in parentified roles may become adept at caring for others but remain underdeveloped in caring for themselves. They might struggle with identifying and expressing their own needs and emotions.

Addressing the Issues

Breaking the cycle of parentification involves acknowledging the problem, setting appropriate boundaries, and seeking professional help. Therapy can be particularly beneficial for both the parent and the child, helping to address the underlying issues that led to parentification and working to establish a healthier dynamic. Support groups and educational programs can also provide resources and coping strategies.

In severe litigation this can prove expensive, but if the Judge is not shown these alienation tactics the emotional and psychological damage to the children will endure for the rest of their lives regardless of the counseling. 

A parent that commits parentification or any other form of alienation usually has narcissistic personality attributes and cares not for the child’s best interest but only painting the other parent in a horrendous light. These issues need to be brought before the Judge at temporary orders to set a parent up to prove these tactics during final Trial.

Julian Nacol
Dallas Fathers Rights Attorney
Dallas TX
(972) 690-3333