dallas fathers rights

Jul
05

My Children Are My Main Priority – Effective Co-Parenting

Co-parenting with an ex-spouse or partner gives children stability and fosters similar rules, discipline and rewards between households.  It promotes a child’s ability to more effectively and peacefully solve problems and establishes a life pattern children can carry into the future.

Effective co-parenting means that your own emotions – anger, resentment or hurt – must take back seat to the needs of your children.  Setting aside these feelings may be the hardest obstacle to overcome after a divorce.  It is important that you remember, co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your children’s future happiness and stability.

The following are useful tips to assist you with co-parenting in the future.

  1. Do not talk negatively, or allow others to talk negatively, about the other parent, their family and friends or their home in hearing range of the child.
  2. Do not question the children about the other parent or the activities of the other parent regarding their personal lives. In simple terms, do not use the child to spy on the other parent.
  3. Do not argue or have heated discussions with the other parent when the children are present or during an exchange.
  4. Do not make promises to the children to try and win them over at the expense of the other parent.
  5. Communicate with the other parent and make similar rules in reference to discipline, bedtime routines, sleeping arrangements, and schedules. Appropriate discipline should be exercised by mutually agreed of both parents.
  6. At all times, the decision made by the parents should be for the child’s psychological, spiritual, and physical well-being and safety.
  7. Visitation arrangements should be made and confirmed beforehand between the parents without involving the child in order to avoid any false hopes, disappointments or resentments toward the other parent.
  8. Notify the other parent in a timely manner of the need to deviate from the order, including cancelling visits, rescheduling appointments, and promptness.
  9. Do not schedule activities for the child during the other parent’s period of possession without the other parent’s consent. However, both parents should work together to allow the child to be involved in extracurricular activities.
  10.  Inform the other parent of any scholastic, medical, psychiatric, or extracurricular activity or appointments of the child.
  11.  Keep the other parent informed at all times of your address and telephone number. If you are out of town with the child, provide the other parent the address and phone number where your children may be reached in case of an emergency.
  12. Refer to the other parent as the child’s mother or father in conversation, rather than using the parents first or last name.
  13. Do not bring the child into adult issues and adult conversations about custody, the court, or about the other party.
  14. Do not ask the child where they want to live.
  15. Do not attempt to alienate the other parent from the child’s life.
  16. Do not allow stepparents or others to negatively alter or modify your relationship with the other parent.
  17. Do not use phrases that draw the children into your issues or make them feel guilty about time spent with their other parent.  For example, rather than saying, “I miss you,” say “I Love You.”

As you begin to co-parent, you and your ex are bound, on occasion, to disagree.  It isn’t necessary to meet in person—speaking over the phone or exchanging emails is fine for the majority of conversations. The goal is conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you.  Keep the conversations kid-based.

Remember, respect can go a long way, keep talking, don’t sweat the small stuff, and be willing to compromise.

Nacol Law Firm P.C.
tel: (972) 690-3333
Dallas Fathers Rights Attorneys

By Nacol Law Firm P.C. | Child Custody
DETAIL
Jun
06

I Need A Father – (A Fathers Role in Child Custody)

The number of fathers caring for their children is growing at a rate almost twice that of single mothers.  The bottom line is more men are choosing to be hands-on fathers.  In addition, presumed joint custody — or shared custody by both parents of children of divorce — is now the law of the land in most states.

Scores of research have documented the positive effects of a father’s involvement in a child’s life.  Regrettably, currently approximately 30% of American children live without their father’s involvement in their life.

As the number of women in the work force has increased, some men appear to have become more involved in fatherhood and show greater interest in child-care responsibilities.   With more women in the workplace than ever before — 68% of women with children under 18 — divorce courts in most states are not simply awarding custody and care of children to mothers by default.  In some cases, the mother has neither the time, nor the will, to care full time for her offspring. In other cases, she may not have the financial means.  The gradual progress towards leveling the playing field for women at work has resulted in slowly leveling the playing field at home.  The law is beginning to catch up as well. Divorce laws of more and more states are taking into account the importance of children maintaining relationships with dads as well as moms after divorce.

Following is a sample of what other sources have had to say about the risks faced by fatherless children:

  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
  • 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
  • 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
  • 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
  • 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)

After economic factors are excluded, children reared in fatherless homes are more than twice as likely to become male adolescent delinquents or teen mothers.

Recent studies have suggested that children whose fathers are actively involved with them from birth are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident in exploring their surroundings, have better social connections with peers as they grow older, are less likely to get in trouble at home and at school, and are less likely to use drugs and alcohol. Children with fathers who are nurturing, involved, and playful also turn out to have higher IQs and better linguistic and cognitive capacities.

The divorce process is difficult for all involved.  It is far better for the children if the parents are able and willing to place them outside of difficult divorce issues.  Children want to run and laugh and play.  In many cases they are not mature enough to process adult issues.  Keep heated issues between the adults and away from hearing range of the children.  No matter how angry a parent is, they should promote the children viewing the other parent in a positive light.  Children need positive role models.  Even if a parent feels the other parent has wronged them, it is just as wrong for that parent to take away the ability for their children to have a parent they can be proud of and look up to.

By Nacol Law Firm P.C. | Child Custody
DETAIL
Jun
03

Father’s Access and Possession of Their Children: A Father’s Absence can be Disastrous to his Children’s Lives

There is now a discernible shift in the United States concerning Fathers Rights. A new legal awareness in many state family courts is leaning towards both parents need to be involved in raising a normal loving child.  Mom and Dad may not be able to live as a couple, but the child deserves to have both parents in his/her life. Many legal professionals in the United States are working on changing old antiquated strict ideas on the parental foundation structure of the family.  Ideas on raising children, even in a broken family, need to include both Dad and Mom.

According to the National Center for Fathering, “More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent. If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency.”

“Psychology Today” researchers have found this statement to be true. The results of father absence in their children’s lives can be disastrous. Specific behavior for many of these children are: 

  1. Children’s diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security 
  2. Behavioral problems (fatherless children have more difficulties with social adjustment, and are more likely to report problems with friendships, and manifest behavior problems) 
  3. Truancy and poor academic performance (71% of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills. 
  4. Delinquency and youth crime, including violent crime (85% of youth in prison have an absent father; fatherless children are more likely to offend and go to jail as adults)
  5. Promiscuity and teen pregnancy 
  6. Drug and alcohol abuse 
  7. Homelessness (90% of runaway children have an absent father)
  8. Exploitation, A, and emotional maltreatment 
  9. Physical health problems and Mental health disorders
  10. Life chances and future relationships
  11. Mortality (fatherless children are more likely to die as children, and live an average of four years less over the lifespan)

“When fathers are actively involved with their children, children do better, states Dr. Paul Amato, noted parent-child relationship sociologist at Pennsylvania State University. “Research suggests that fathers are very important for a child’s development”. The “Fathers Effect” is the term for the benefits of the paternal presence. These effects are numerous when fathers actively participate in family life. Minimum time must be spent together, but quality of time is more important than quantity of time”.

Fatherhood trends in America are changing! With the increase in the number of mothers who have now entered the job market, more fathers have started taking a more active role in caring for their children as single fathers are significantly growing in numbers. Pew Research has come out with new facts on American Dads and here are their key findings:

  • More dads are staying home to care for their children 
  • 57% of fathers see parenting as central to their identity with 54% find parenting rewarding all the time.  
  • Work-family balance is a challenge to balance work and family life. 52% of working dads say it is very or somewhat difficult to do so. 
  • 74% of men face major pressure to support their families financially, while 49% face pressure to be involved parents. 
  • It has become less common for dads to be the family’s sole breadwinner. 
  • Fathers are much more involved in childcare. But in caregiving mothers are still view as the primary parent.
  • 63% of fathers still feel they spend too little time with their children usually because of work obligations. 

In the future it may be possible for 50/50 joint custody and co-parenting with both parents to be the legal presumption and the norm for presumed access and possession of Divorce or Mediation Orders.  Divorce is never blameless, but raising a child is where parents must raise above their personal feelings and think of what is best for the child. 

Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Fathers Rights Attorneys
Dallas TX
(972) 690-3333

By Nacol Law Firm P.C. | Possession of Children
DETAIL
May
31

HELP! The Warning Signs of Divorce

When the warning signs of a fractured relationship with your spouse have been surfacing for quite a while, many people are still caught off guard when their spouse asks for “The Divorce”.  Although the husband may cause marriage problems, about 75% of divorces are initiated by the wife.  

Usually one spouse is in shock/denial and may want to truly try to salvage the marriage. At times a spouse will try to blame the other spouse of being a quitter for wanting to be legally released from an unacceptable marriage. Often the non-initiating spouse is at the point where it is a relief that “The Divorce” question has surfaced and will readily agree that divorce is the right option.

Marriage and family is not an easy proposition at times and sometimes it is easier to just say goodbye and return to single life. But if you truly love your spouse and family you should look at the warning signs and try to change the direction of the marriage.  Every relationship has its up and downs and needs new considerations at times. Take time to review your relationship and catch early warning signs that the marriage may be running off its tracks.  

What are some serious signs that you and your spouse could be headed for a DIVORCE?

  1. Spouse interaction is more negative than positive: Marriage researcher, Dr. John Gottman researched the negative/positive effect and found that stable marriages have 5:1 ratio of positivity to negativity during conflict. Whereas unstable marriages have .8:1 ratio of positivity to negativity during conflict (Gottman & Levenson 1999). The acceleration of verbal criticism, nagging, and sarcasm in a relationship can be a definite sign that there is trouble in the marriage.  
  2. Stonewalling when “you can’t break down the wall”: Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate through body language or verbally shutting down when a situation with your spouse gets out of control and you don’t know how to handle the situation. This is very serious and may be the time to bring in a marriage counselor to help work through this problem.
  3. No Conflict Resolution: Marriage researcher, John Gottman, states that the lack of communication isn’t the marriage breaker but the lack of effective conflict resolution. This is a very serious problem when couples can’t reasonably work out their differences without causing injury to their relationship and finally quit communicating with each other to avoid more disagreement and conflict.
    Other times one spouse or both have reached the point where every conflict has become a situation that must be “won” by bullying the other spouse into submission. There must be a “winner” but with this win comes mutual loss of respect, increasing distance and eventual withdrawal from the relationship.
  4. Emotional and Physical Disengagement and Disaffection: When couples can’t communicate, they will find different avenues for emotional engagements.  Many neglected spouses will look out of the marriage at other values or priorities that helps them feel connected. A new religion, lifestyle, or job opportunity that the other spouse would never agree with can now be a reality for them.
    Emotional Disengagement is usually accompanied by withdrawal of affection. Couples in a divorce situation consider themselves “fallen out of love” with their spouse.
  5. Sudden Change in Behavior? Has your partner suddenly started caring more about their appearance and spending more time “away from” home. Or more time is spent with their children and instead of “our marriage” everything is centered around “our children”?
    Has your sex life disappeared? This is a good indicator that your emotional disengagement is advancing steadily and the spouses take no pleasure in each other. These are serious signals of rapidly eroding bonds in your marriage if not in a terminal state.
  6. Preparation for the “Single Life”: As people get tired of dealing with each other and the total indifference of the relationship, they will start living parallel lives and finally dissolve their personal relationship. Many couples heading for divorce will take up new habits and friends that differ from their spouses. New social networks will be centered around a single lifestyle.

Sounds like your current life with your spouse? DON’T GIVE UP YET! IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO SALVAGE A FADING MARRIAGE! If people will realize that a marriage is not perfect and there will be conflict a certain percentage of time. Concentrate on working out a solution together to have a positive, loving relationship that can withstand the bad times. Just Remember: there was some spark that drew you to your spouse. Try to find it again or divorce.

By Nacol Law Firm P.C. | Prepare for Your Divorce
DETAIL
Dec
28

Warning Signs of Divorce – ‘Tis the Season to Know These Signs

As the holiday season approaches and all should be merry and bright, the black clouds are starting to gather for many married couples and families.  January is always one of the top months for divorce filings since many people want to change their personal life situations with the start of the New Year.  

Instead of receiving a knock on the door in January from a process server with your divorce summons, here are some Divorce Warning Behavior Signals to look for in your spouse that should not be Ignored. In the Nacol Law Firm’s Family Law Practice, I have placed the warning signals by priority from “something is changing” to “we are in serious trouble”:

  • Do you have a ”gut feeling” that there is a “defensive aura” between you and your spouse? The marriage is not going well, and your spouse is wanting to end the marriage. 
  • Has your spouse changed “their look and appearance” in relationship to you or other people? New clothes, new look, new friend? Maybe starting to detach mentally from your marriage? 
  • Possibly one spouse is now “very busy” and preoccupied with work, texting, private telephone calls with friends and long disappearing shopping excursions with unavailable contact. Maybe Someone does not want to be found? 
  • You and your spouse are now in a serious stage of “anger” and fight with each other constantly. Maybe a sign of divorce being a real option?  
  • Suddenly there is no fighting, no communication, and no caring between the partners in this marriage. Does anyone care anymore about the future of divorce for this marriage?
  • Money issues seem to start happening with changes in Bank amounts dwindling or new accounts being opened.  Credit/debit card amounts are rising as if someone is planning to embark on a new life after a divorce! 

If you are seeing two or more of these situations happening in your marriage, there may still be time to save this marriage. Start with meeting in a non-threatening location to talk about agreeing on making some major decisions on staying married or getting a divorce. If this is not possible in your current situation, suggest visiting with an agreed upon marriage counselor and try to work out serious problems in your marriage.  It is always worth a try for both of you and your family to try and save the marriage. 

Many times, one or both spouses are done with “us” and now want to be “me”.  If saving a marriage is totally impossible, then look for a knowledgeable family law attorney who can help you get through this terrible yet sometimes necessary experience. 

Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Dallas Fathers Rights Attorneys
(972) 690-3333
Walnut Glen Tower
8144 Walnut Hill Lane
Dallas, Texas 75231

By Nacol Law Firm P.C. | Prepare for Your Divorce
DETAIL

Please contact father’s rights Dallas Attorney Mark Nacol, or father’s rights Dallas Attorney Julian Nacol with the Nacol Law Firm P.C., for legal insight to your rights as a father. Both attorney Mark Nacol, and attorney Julian Nacol , provide counsel in the area of family law including divorce, father’s rights, interstate jurisdiction, child support, child custody, visitation, paternity, parent alienation, modifications, property division, asset division and more. Attorney Mark A. Nacol is board certified in Civil Trial Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization. Our attorneys at The Nacol Law Firm P.C. serve clients throughout Texas, including Collin, Dallas, Denton, Ellis, Grayson, Kaufman, Rockwall and Tarrant counties and the communities of Addison, Allen, Arlington, Carrollton, Dallas, Fort Worth, Frisco, Garland, Grapevine, Highland Park, McKinney, Mesquite, Plano, Prosper, Richardson, Rowlett and University Park, Murphy,Wylie, Lewisville, Flower Mound, Irving, along with surrounding DFW areas.

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