This is a complicated question to answer depending upon the facts of each case. If you have experienced domestic violence you need to immediately do whatever is necessary to secure you and your child’s safety. Many times a victim will go to court for a protective order and ask the judge to move the abusive or violent spouse out. In this situation contact an experienced family law attorney now!
In most cases, absent of violence or risk of abuse, we would not suggest that a spouse move out of the marital residence.
Why is this? One reason is once you have vacated the residence it may be very difficult to get back in! You have no legal obligation to leave the residence if your name is on the lease or mortgage personally and exclusivity.
Our suggestion to a client might be, to remain in the residence since the person who vacates may still have financial obligations and expenses of the family residence, while paying all expenses on a new residence for themselves. Double expenses are not a desirable result during the divorce process.
The higher wage earning spouse who moves out of the marital home must expect to continue to pay most of the household expenses, including the insurance and mortgage! What about the personal property and furnishings in the residence?
If an agreement has not been made between the divorcing couple, the moving spouse will generally only be able to leave with personal belongings (clothing & jewelry) until a court rules fairly as to temporary possession.
Secure a court order ASAP to equalize property and household expenses.
Are You An Alienated Parent With A Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) Family Experience? What Can You Do?
There is nothing worse than a family torn apart by parents who are battling over child custody. Many of these cases are in serious litigation and often, these disputes will continue for years.
What is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)? In the 1980’s, forensic psychiatrist, Dr. Richard A. Gardner noticed a large increase in a disorder where one parent will program or brainwash a child to alienate the other parent. He also found the child was self-creating contributions supporting the alienating parent’s campaign of denigration against the targeted parent.
Dr. Gardner’s definition of PAS: Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent’s indoctrinations and the child’s own contributions to the vilifications of the target parents. (Gardner, the Parental Alienation Syndrome)
There is no pure PAS diagnosis if the child still has a positive relationship with the parent even though the other parent is trying to alienate the child.
Courts are generally more conservative in their judgment acknowledging PAS in high conflict cases. Even though Parental Alienation evidence may be overwhelming, often courts will enter judgments allowing the “parents to make joint decisions about the child’s welfare.” This will not ever happen between two alienated parents! In many situations it will take a dramatic or tragic situation to force the court to change primary custody. When the alienating parent becomes unstable mentally, the court will recognize that there is something “out of line” and will become more supportive of the targeted parent.
What are the Best ways for the Alienated Parent to Deal with the PAS issue?
Keep your “cool”. Never retaliate. Never act in anger since anger=unstable.
Never give up! You cannot let your child grow up in this environment of hate. The child is the victim of a situation that he/she never asked to be in.
Be “Proactive”! It is a terrible situation for the entire family, but work on seeking constructive action to solve the problem. Do not allow yourself to become a victim!
Always keep a journal of dates and times of major key events. Explain when the situation occurred and what happened specifically. Any Witnesses?
Always call and show to pick up the child even when you know he/she will not be there. Try to contact the police to have a record of the no-show event or take a witness to video the denial of possession. You do have an interest in your child, no matter what the alienating parent says.
When you do see the child, focus on enjoying your parent-child time together. Never talk badly about the other parent and do not let children overhear inappropriate conversation on the telephone.
Hire a skilled family lawyer who has experience in parental alienation syndrome issues. Do your homework on PAS and interview the lawyer on his experience and what your issues are. If you are not satisfied look again. This is your life and you are trying to save your child.
Be prepared to financially see this case to the end. Most of these case last for years. You cannot start and stop.
A forensic evaluator in PAS cases is usually an asset in showing that there is truly alienation occurring and recommend changing legal and primary custody to the alienated parent. An appropriate parenting plan included showing how well the child will be taken care of with the alienated parent, is advised.
Always pay your child support on time and never violate court orders. Never give the alienating parent reason to question your behavior.
Last but not least, to show that your parenting skills are superior, take a comprehensive parenting course to be able to show the court that you strive to be the best parent you can to the child, no matter what the alienating parent says.
Are you the father of a child in Texas and Mom is refusing to let you see or communicate with your child? Are you paying child support in Texas for your child, yet Mom tries to dominate all interaction between you and the child to suit her needs. Is this Parental Alienation in the present or a step commencing down that path?
Fathers have rights in Texas and because this is one of the more frequent calls we receive from Dads, I thought it was time to discuss some specific law from the Texas Family Code regarding the rights and duties afforded to a Parent, whether Mom or Dad!
Under the Texas Family Code a “Parent” is defined as the mother, a man presumed to be the father, a man legally determined to be the father, a man who has been adjudicated to be the father by a court of competent jurisdiction, a man who acknowledged his paternity under applicable law or an adoptive mother or father.
Tex. Fam. Code Sec. 160, otherwise known as the Uniform Parentage Act, states that a man is presumed to be the father of a child if:
1. he is married to the mother of the child and the child is born during the marriage;
2. he is married to the mother of the child and the child is born before the 301st day after the date the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, declaration of invalidity, or divorce;
3. he married the mother of the child before the birth of the child in apparent compliance with law, even if the attempted marriage is or could be declared invalid, and the child is born during the invalid marriage or before the 301st day after the date the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, declaration of invalidity, or divorce;
4. he married the mother of the child after the birth of the child in apparent compliance with law, regardless of whether the marriage is or could be declared invalid, he voluntarily asserted his paternity of the child, and:
a)the assertion is in a record filed with the bureau of vital statistics;
b) he is voluntarily named as the child’s father; or
c) he promised in a record to support the child as his own; or
5. during the first two years of the child’s life, he continuously resided in the household in which the child resided and he represented to others that the child was his own.
If the above applies to you and you have established legal standing to support that you are “the father,” what are your rights and duties as the Texas Family Code Sec. 151.001 states:
§ 151.001. Rights and Duties of Parent
(a) A parent of a child has the following rights and duties:
(1) the right to have physical possession, to direct the moral and religious training, and to designate the residence of the child;
(2) the duty of care, control, protection, and reasonable discipline of the child;
(3) the duty to support the child, including providing the child with clothing, food, shelter, medical and dental care, and education;
(4) the duty, except when a guardian of the child’s estate has been appointed, to manage the estate of the child, including the right as an agent of the child to act in relation to the child’s estate if the child’s action is required by a state, the United States, or a foreign government;
(5) except as provided by Section 264.0111, the right to the services and earnings of the child;
(6) the right to consent to the child’s marriage, enlistment in the armed forces of the United States, medical and dental care, and psychiatric, psychological, and surgical treatment;
(7) the right to represent the child in legal action and to make other decisions of substantial legal significance concerning the child;
(8) the right to receive and give receipt for payments for the support of the child and to hold or disburse funds for the benefit of the child;
(9) the right to inherit from and through the child;
(10) the right to make decisions concerning the child’s education; and
(11) any other right or duty existing between a parent and child by virtue of law.
Both parents have these rights unless a court order has created, modified, ordered, or delegated the statuary rights of a parent. The rights you have will support and empower you in a hands on relationship with your child.
All parents have the right to have a relationship with their children! One misguided parent may attempt to employ parental alienation to hurt the other parent and cause the child to be denied a loving relationship with the other parent. Know your rights and contact an attorney who can help you and your child fulfill a meaningful relationship!
What is a narcissist? Narcissistic Personality Disorder or ‘NPD” is a mental disorder where the person has very inflated self-esteem issue and a serious need for admiration and special treatment from other people. Typical arrogant behavior and lack of empathy for other people causes many problems in all emotional areas of their lives and relationships.
Narcissists are also very aggressive and usually have impulsivity, dangerous lifestyles involving cockiness, selfishness, manipulatives and power motives. These individuals are usually very exciting personalities at first meeting, but later cause unfulfilling relationships resulting in anxiety and depression at the end of the day.
You have meet the “most exciting” person in the world who has self-esteem problems and can’t get along with anyone, including you! The big problem is you married this person and now you MUST FIND A SOLUTION TO THIS SITUATION AND GET A DIVORCE!
The marriage adventure is over. Your married life to your narcissist was a total disaster and you know that you need to get a divorce. Are you frighten that you could very well lose everything in this divorce from hell since you may lack the manipulating skills that your narcissist spouse skillfully uses on all aspects of his/her manipulative lifestyle?
Before you start the Divorce battle with your narcissist, you must “Stop Feeling and Start Thinking”! You have been emotionally battered and mutilated for years by this spouse, but now is the time to take over your life and your children lives and decide that Your family DOES NOT AND WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE ANYMORE FROM YOUR SPOUSE!
Here are some tips on planning your exit from this marriage and Win control of your life and your family lives.
- BE PREPARED! If you are thinking of going through with this divorce, start your preparations now! You need total knowledge of your family’s financial situation. On our website you can pull off a blog “Texas Divorce Financial Checklist” (http://www.divorcedallastx.com/texas-divorce-financial-checklist/) which will give you a guideline on your financial information needed. Update this information immediately. Know who makes what and where all monies and assets are located. All banking and account information should be update for correct account numbers and balances. This will help you determine how much money you will need to live on and what you can plan on your part of the assets. This will also give you an idea on what funds you can use to hire a competent attorney to help you get through the divorce.
- RESEARCH PRIORITY ISSUES! Educate yourself on divorce issues, such as child custody and visitation, who gets the house, property separation, spousal maintenance and child support in your state. Prioritize what is important to you and prepare questions to ask an attorney on what your expectations should be. All or nothing does not work. Set Reasonable goals.
- START INTERVIEWING ATTORNEYS to find a good match to help you through this complicated divorce. Look for an attorney who deals with difficult family law cases concerning emotional/domestic abuse, high conflict individuals, or contested child custody. Even if you are served divorce papers, take your time finding an experienced attorney who will be your advocate in the divorce. DO NOT HIRE A NARCISSIST ATTORNEY! This would be a disaster!
- Help Plan your Divorce Game plan! No one knows your Narcissist spouse or family situation better than you. What arguments/facts will they come up with to hurt your position? Discuss your entire situation with you attorney and work together on your divorce approach. Your attorney will help you determine your final goals through experience from his previous experience in such matters.
- STAY REASONABLE AND TRY TO KEEP EMOTIONS STEADY! Don’t let your narcissist spouse turn you into a narcissist! You cannot win this way! Think logical, use true facts, and don’t go overboard financially battling with him/her. If this gets settled, goes to mediation, or ever a jury trial, if will be over and you will greatly improve your life.
You married a Narcissist and now you are divorcing him/her. You must be prepared knowing that your spouse will now be able to participation in the greatest show of their lives, “THE DIVORCE”. Your spouse will try to show what a horrible, ungrateful, unworthy person/parent you are and how badly you hurt your innocent victim/martyr spouse.
Irrelevant are your feelings and emotions. By thinking and planning your divorce strategy with a qualified attorney you will be prepared for battle and to live your life as you choose.
Remember the focal point of his/her narcissistic behavior is the fear of abandonment and threat to his/her self-worth. Be well-prepared for the battle ahead. The key is to not respond emotionally and let it drain you. Observe their behavior as a disorder, and don’t absorb it as a literal or personal attack on you.
If you mitigate for his drawn-out narcissistic rage and know that he may attempt to destroy you, you will less likely feel bullied or defeated. Be forewarned, you will be less victimized by something you expect.
Modern High Asset marriages commonly involve Pre-Nuptial agreements to preserve and protect each spouses‘ property. If one spouse takes advantage of the other and the Pre-Nuptial is unconscionable, it may be attacked as invalid as a matter of law. There are a few considerations you should make sure of before determining if a Pre-Nuptial is valid:
- Did you sign the Pre-Nuptial voluntarily?
- Were you given fair disclosure of the property or obligations of the other spouse?
- Did you waive the right of disclosure in writing?
- Did you have adequate knowledge of the property or financial obligations of the other spouse?
If you answered “NO” to either (1) or all of (2)-(4) then you may be in a position to contest the Pre-Nuptial agreement. It is difficult to show that a Pre-Nuptial agreement is unconscionable. The Courts have made it clear that “unfairness” which is short of unconscionability does not make a Pre-Nuptial unenforceable. Determining whether a Pre-Nuptial agreement is valid or not is in large measure a question for the judge and not for the jury. This means that a judge will make the determination if your spouse has forced you to sign a Pre-Nuptial in an unconscionable way.
For high asset divorces, Pre-Nuptial agreements are more common. If you are a spouse that was pushed into signing a Pre-Nuptial without fair disclosure or without adequate knowledge of the property or obligations enforced in the agreement you may have a claim. Depending on the circumstances, invalidating a Pre-Nuptial agreement may be time consuming and costly, so an experienced attorney must be consulted.
Assess your situation at the time you signed your Pre-Nuptial. Did your spouse muscle you into signing the Pre-Nuptial, thus possibly invalidating the Pre-Nuptial? Once you have answered these questions find an experienced attorney that is familiar with contesting or setting aside unconscionable or unenforceable Pre-Nuptial Agreements.
Julian Nacol, Attorney
Nacol Law Firm P.C.