24
May
2010

Parental Alienation And False & Malicious Domestic Violence Allegations

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a generally recognized platform that may result in child abuse. This occurs when a custodial parent of a child from a separated family uses deception to deliberately alienate children from their non custodial parent.

Misplaced Domestic Violence Restraining and Protective Orders are an excellent tool to advance the Alienating Parent’s malice! Misguided Protective Orders of a Court based on such false representations may remove the Accused Abuser Parent from the home, bar the Accused Abuser from seeing his/her children and give the Alienating Parent total physical custody of the children. The Accused Abuser Parent is now effectively “Guilty Until Proven Innocent”.

Once the Alienator obtains a Restraining Order through false domestic violence allegations, the Accused Abuser Parent may find it difficult to defend himself or herself against the false allegations.  This sends the implied message to the children that “Daddy/Mommy” is bad or dangerous, stamped by the court.

The Accused Abuser Parent may only see his/her children in a cold and uninviting supervised visitation setting. Supervised Visitation Centers are facilities where a child is taken to meet with the Accused Abuser Parent in a third party monitored location.  A third party observes the Accused Abuser Parent during their visit with their children so that the child is “protected” at all times.

Often the supervised visit is demeaning for the visiting parent in the eyes of his/her child.  The impression to the child that “Daddy or Mommy” is dangerous comes across loud and clear since most children only see lock up situations on TV and these people are seriously viewed as being bad.

Many Alienating Parents use this scary situation to encourage their child not to see the Accused Abuser Parent at all. The more time a child is out of contact with the Alienated Parent the deeper the scaring and recovery period for that child.

Dr. Richard A. Gardner coined the term “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS) in 1985. Dr. Gardner found that a child subjected to continual negativity and manipulation by the Custodial Parent over an extended period of time against the other parent would eventually adapt the distorted view presented. At the end of the day, what the Alienating Parent fails to understand is that his/her selfishness makes his/her child the “victim” who pays a hefty price in lost self esteem.

Unfortunately, False Domestic Violence Allegations have become more common in Divorce / Child Custody Proceedings. Most Judges usually enter a restraining or protective order for the safety of the child and in too many cases an Accused Abuser Parent is guilty until proven innocent!

19
Nov
2009

Fathers and Parent Alienation Syndrome

One in three children lose touch with a parent, usually the father, following a divorce.  In a recent survey, one in five parents stated that their primary objective during the divorce was to make the experience as unpleasant as possible for the former spouse; despite the effects such attitudes and behavior have on the children.  One in three children stated that they felt isolated and lonely during and following the divorce process.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is the systematic denigration by one parent with the intent of alienating the child against the other parent.  In most cases, the purpose of the alienation is to gain custody of a child and exclude involvement by the father.  In other cases the mother wants the father out of the way to start a new life, the mother wants more of the money and assets than she is entitled to and uses the children as pawns.  The mother hates the father and the children become false weapons.  These are just a few reason Parental Alienation occurs in domestic disputes.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is common because it is an effective device for gaining custody of a child.  Trough systematic alienation, one parent may slowly brainwash a child against the other parent.  The parent involved in such alienation behaviors then gains misplaced loyalty of the child. 

There are two types of Parental Alienation Syndrome, medical and legal.  Medical Parental Alienation Syndrome is a form of emotional child abuse.  Parents in hostile separations may suffer depression, anger and anxiety or aggression.  The expression of these feelings often takes on a form of withdrawing love and communication.  This extends to the children through the custodial parent.  It is a mechanism employed to stop the father from having contact with his children; and can be described by the mother holding the children “hostages,” afraid of the mother, and obeying her as a means of survival.  The child may also be instilled with false memories of the father, may be coached and/or brainwashed.  Parental Alienation Syndrome is recognized by the courts but is very difficult to define and in most cases requires bringing in County Social Services, Child Protective Services, and/or other professionals.  Anyone claiming Parental Alienation Syndrome should look for family therapy as a constructive way forward.  Other forms of abuse are physical, sexual, and neglect and are much easier to identify. 

It is important no matter how bad the alienation becomes that you strategize to create a line of contact with your children, the mother and anyone connected to them.  Having a plan is critical.  When a father loses contact with his children he goes from disbelief, to despair, anger, depression, confusion and a total sense of social injustice.  Having a plan means looking at the situation logically, rather than emotionally. 

1.  The first stage is to look for direct contact with the mother and children. Can you meet, write, or phone? 
2.  If you are not allowed contact, can a relative contact the mother or children on your behalf?
3.  Can you contact your children through church, school, clubs, sports activities, or daycare?
4.  Can you participate in your children’s activities?
5.  Do you have a non-suggestive witness that can go with you when you exercise your visitation rights?
6.  Is there a local grocery store where you can purchase something to have a receipt stating the date and time you were in the area?
7.  Will the police make a report stating that you attempted to exercise your visitation?
8.  Whenever possible take video and pictures.

In cases of Parental Alienation Syndrome it is important that you document everything.  Keep a diary or timeline.  Write important events down on a calendar.

If you are a victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome, contact an attorney. Discuss your options.  Formulate a plan to move forward.  Do not give up your parental rights as a father.