The number of stay-at-home dads is increasing again in the United States! Pew Research Center has just published a new report, “Growing Number of Dads at home with the kids”, and it is impressive! The world is changing and Dads are definitely more hands on quality time with their children.
The major commanding improvements are the number of fathers who stay home with their children under 18. This figure has just about doubled since 1989, and now 16% or 2 million fathers are full time stay-at-home caregivers to their children. This percentage has grown from 10% in 1989.
What are some of the reasons for the strong growth of stay-at-home dads?
35% are home because of illness or disability
23% cannot find a job
21% stay to care for family and home
Even with this increase in stay-at-home dads, 16% of fathers with children still live apart from their kids.
52% of stay-at-home fathers are white, 20% are Hispanic and 16% are black. In addition, and almost equal share of working fathers (48%) and mothers (52%) say they would prefer to be home raising their children, but must work for family income.
Preparing for a Texas Divorce – Part 1: Assets
Preparing for a divorce is painful no matter the circumstance. Before you get into the tangle of the divorce process, you can reduce the expense, stress and conflict many people face by making sure you are prepared. Planning ahead allows you to make sound decisions and start preparing for your life post-divorce, and may also help you avoid post-divorce pitfalls. Below is a list of items you may want to gather before counseling with an attorney.
- A Listing of all Real Property, address and location, including (include time-shares and vacation properties):
- Deeds of Trust
- Legal Description
- Mortgage Companies (Name, Address, Telephone Number, Account Number, Balance of Note, Monthly Payments)
- Current fair market value
- Mineral Interests (include any property in which you own the mineral estate, separate and apart from the surface estate, such as oil and gas leases; also include royalty interests, work interests, and producing and non-producing oil and gas wells.
- Name of mineral interest
- Type of interest
- County of location
- Legal description
- Name of producer/operator
- Current market value
- Cash and accounts with financial institutions (checking, savings, commercial bank accounts, credit union funds, IRA’s, CD’s, 401K’s, pension plans and any other form of retirement accounts):
- Name of institution, address and telephone number
- Amount in institution on date of marriage
- Amount in institution currently
- Account Number
- Names on Account
- Publicly traded stock, bonds and other securities (include securities not in a brokerage, mutual fund, or retirement account):
- Number of shares
- Type of securities
- Certificate numbers
- In possession of
- Name of exchange which listed
- Pledged as collateral?
- Date acquired
- Tax basis
- Current market value
- If stock (date option granted, number of shares and value per share)
- Closely held business interests:
- Name of business
- Type of business
- % of ownership
- Number of shares owned if applicable
- Value of shares
- Balance of accounts receivables
- Cash flow reports
- Balance of liabilities
- List of company assets
- Retirement Benefits
- Exact name of plan
- Address of plan administrator
- Starting date of contributions
- Amount in account on date of marriage
- Amount currently in account
- Balance of any loan against plan
- Insurance and Annuities
- Name of insurance company
- Policy Number
- Type of insurance (whole/term/universal)
- Amount of monthly premiums
- Date of Issue
- Face amount
- Cash surrender value
- Current surrender value
- Designated beneficiary
- Motor Vehicles (including mobile homes, boats, trailers, motorcycles, recreational vehicles; exclude company owned)
- Name on title
- VIN Number
- Fair Market Value
- Name of creditor (if any), address and telephone
- Persons listed on debt
- Account number
- Balance of any loan and monthly payment
- Net Equity in vehicle
- Money owed by spouse (including any expected federal or state income tax refund but not including receivables connected with any business)
10. Household furniture, furnishings and Fixtures
11. Electronics and computers
12. Antiques, artwork and collectibles (including works of art, paintings, tapestry, rugs, crystal, coin or stamp collections)
13. Miscellaneous sporting goods and firearms
15. Animals and livestock
16. Farming equipment
17. Club Memberships
18. Travel Award Benefits (including frequent flyer miles)
19. Safe deposit box items
20. Burial plots
21. Items in any storage facility
22. A listing of separate property (property prior to marriage, family heir looms, property gifted)
- 23. Listing of all liabilities (including mortgages, credit card debt, personal loans, automobile loans, etc.):
1. Name of entity, address and telephone number
2. Account number
3. Amount owed
4. Monthly payment
5. Property securing payment (if any)
6. Persons listed as liable for debt
So you have now decided to divorce. You know it will be painful & scary, but you believe the time is right to have a single life. Financial vulnerability and risks are inevitable.
Every year, approximately three million men and women head down the emotional and financial path of divorce. Following a divorce the cost is usually 25-50% more to maintain your pre-divorce lifestyle. A single household becomes twice as expensive as each spouse losses the benefit of the other spouses income. Economic discrimination due to gender gaps place additional financial burdens on women. A woman’s standard of living may drop 27% while a man’s standard of living may increase 10%!
Now start with the financial basics in surviving your divorce! What are the basics?
A secure place to live
Create little or no debt
Protect retirement assets or income
Use of liquid money or assets
The most important of these basics is Liquid money! You will need money to find a place to live and hire an attorney. You will also need money to pay your expenses during your divorce. Liquidity will definitely come in handy and enhance your position in the proceedings.
What about Debts? If possible pay off your debts now. The uses of savings or assets you can liquidate are the cleanest methods. Many divorced people find themselves responsible for their EX’s portion of debt since the exiting spouse refuses to pay. Legally, you may be responsible if your ex-spouse does not pay. Try to start your new life free of debt and with a new sense of self confidence!
What about Cash Issues and Retirement Assets in a Divorce? If you and your spouse have retirement savings, each of you will probably be entitled to a one-half share or a portion based on a fixed ration of the number of years married and number of years of investing. This money could be kept for retirement or used to repay other current expenses or debts. Make sure you examine prospective tax treatment to avoid the 10% penalty on early withdrawal by the IRS.
Some tax questions to know about:
Are spousal maintenance payments tax deductible?
Who will be able to claim Head of Household status?
Who gets the tax exemption for the kids?
Is child support non-deductible?
Which Attorney fees are tax deductible?
Always remember to “Look at the big picture”. Keep your focus on finances and parenting. If you need help from smart professions, as your attorney, accountant, or mental-health professional, get it now! They will help you and your family with focus, objectivity and a long-term vision that is very difficult for you during this tumultuous time in your life. Now you need to be able to articulate you needs and goals for the future.
Do not forget! This time too shall pass and you may be, with planning, better than ever in the future!
If only divorced parents could mutually agree on meaningful possession schedules while co-parenting their kids! But since many cannot or will not, the Texas Courts generally use a One-Size-Fits-All Standard Possession order for all children over three years of age. The Texas Legislature over time has expanded the schedule to make access a little more flexible. Does this always squarely meet or suit the needs of a child and her/his relationship with both parents?
The Section 153.001 of the Texas Family Code is the State’s policy on possession schedules and its formation:
Assure that children will have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interests of their child;
Provide a safe, stable, and nonviolent environment for the child;
Encourage parents to share in the rights and duties of raising their child after the parents have separated or dissolved the marriage.
The Texas Family Code, section 153.002 also states that “the best interest of the child shall always be the primary consideration of the court in determining the issues of conservatorship, possession of, and access of the child”. Because of this the Texas Courts are given wide range in determining a child’s best interest in possession schedules.
What about fair and equal Parent Possession Schedules? This is easier desired than accomplished! In E. Mavis Hetherington’s book, For Better or for Worse, Three types of co-parenting relationships are identified:
Conflicted: Parents have frequent conflict, communicate badly, and have difficulty disengaging emotionally from the marriage (20-25%)
Parallel: Parents who emotionally disengage from each other, with little communication and who usually do not coordinate child-related issues between themselves although conflict is minimal. (Over 50%)
Cooperative: Parents who work together to actively plan their children’s lives and support each other. They work toward conflict free possession schedules in a nurturing parenting situation. (25%-30%)
Despite many separation and divorce related conflicts among parents, the main beneficial recipients of shared parenting are the children. When both parents are positively engaged in the parent-child relationship, probabilities are much higher for positive adjustment, better academic achievement and positive mental development of a child.
In Johnston & Campbell’s book, Impasses of Divorce, their findings support that the majority of parents substantially reduce their pre marital conflict within 2-3 years after divorce. Regrettably, 8%-20% of parents remain in a state of chronic high conflict!
How can Parents promote or enhance shared parenting in possession schedules?
Many parents will usually find a way or the mechanism to eventually work together for the benefit of the child, no matter how contentious the divorce. Even if shared parenting is not possible, parallel co-parenting reducing conflict may be acceptable. But if the parental conflict is high, try to use and enforce a possession schedule that limits parent contact during possession exchanges of the child and accordingly reduce conflict opportunity.
Parents: Leave your conflicts at home. You are divorced! Concentrate on what is best for your child. You are the lifetime primary example for your child on how families communicate. Be mature and responsible and show your child that no matter what has occurred in the past, and regardless of fault, your joint goal is an emotionally healthy child over the long haul.